A Secretary's Day
by Kathy T.

"Hello, Buddy's Building Repair? It's Jenny again, we got two busted walls this week . . . use a door?
You try asking a super-robot to use a door while he's going faster than a speeding you-know-what.
Why two this week? He was chasing something, or it was chasing him.
How should I know? I was under the desk again.

"That reminds me, can you remodel the closet into a panic room?
If the boss won't spring for hazard pay, he's going to at least pay for this.
Listen, dealing with monsters and weirdos was not in my job description.
Not to mention getting abducted every week by crazy scientists.
I'm saving up for body armor by the way.

"So why do I stay here? The rest of the time's pretty quiet.
The boss is gone days at a time, and I spend it yakking on the phone with my new boyfriend.
His name's Rex and he drives a race car. A real hunk, though his brother's kind of a dork.
Would you believe he actually drives around with his kid brother in the trunk, with a chimp?
No wonder Rex wears a mask. He doesn't want people to know they're related.

"Yeah, I know I put on that jealous act around the boss. It bolsters his ego.
Even Mr.'robot-spelled-backwards' needs it sometimes...
Of course I figured out his name, like the first day of work.
Lois Lane and I had a good laugh over it. It's almost as lame as Clark's glasses disguise.
You just have to play along and humor them . . .

"Phew, what's that smell? Hang on . . . oh, wonderful.
A giant amoeba's climbing up the side of the building. I'll give you one guess which office it's headed for.
Better send along some steam cleaners, this place's going to be slime city in a few minutes.
Look, I gotta go--hey, watchit, slimeface, those were my shoes!

Oh, great! Eighth Man, we do have a door, you know! (Sigh.) Buddy? Make that THREE walls.
See you tomorrow . . . yeah, just put it on our bill.
(I've just gotta ask for a raise!)